SlayingDragons

Aside from my public Healthy U before and after photos I haven't shared any before and afters, or side by sides as of yet.

Up until this point I really hadn't felt led to do so or even interested in digging up an old photo.

(However, this gem showed up on my timehop just the other day.)

As I was looking through my photos from our trip to the pumpkin patch from today something told me to go back and look at the picture from a year ago.

I did.

I need to be clear.  

We are ALL human and I would be lying if I said along the way I have never given thought to my outward appearance. 

Most people might assume I'm on this journey to look a "certain way." 

Sure I want to be beautiful and yes, I want to look put together.

However, I can honestly say this journey is NOT about what I look like.

I've lost weight before.  I have many other before and afters from the past.

When I first began this journey a shift occurred and unlike my attempts from the past that were centered on superficial, outward results, this experience has been an internal transformation.

When I was comparing the two it wasn't the drastic change in physical appearance 

that moved me to tears.

....I felt myself go back....

 and for a moment I remembered how lost I was.

How it felt.

I remembered how heavy the depression seemed and how sometimes the 

darkness claimed victory over the light.

That might seem like too much. 

 Maybe you're thinking "why is this woman so honest."

Well, I've always been the honest type.

I feel like with this public format I've been given the opportunity to share and so it should be 

nothing less than the truth.

There is no magic pill.  There is no perfect weight.  There is no end.  

There is only one way, and it is pushing forward through it.

No,  YOU don't have to be this honest.  

...but...

I promise when we strip away all the distractions and noise, and we're honest we can bring forth our brokenness and work towards healing.

So let me tell you that often times throughout my journey to freedom it is a
moment-by-moment choice to still the noise and remind myself to choose love.
Not everyday do I want to work out or eat healthy.  Some days I don't have the patience I prayed for.
..still..

I must choose love on a daily basis because God's perfect love casts out all fear.

There is no fear in love.

These seeds of freedom I have been given replace my fears; doubts, shame, depression, and anxieties.

My spiritual freedom is found as I've grown in my relationship and learned the truth about the lies that held me captive.

For many years I struggled with managing my weight.

I didn't understand the strong, direct connection my weight and heart had.

I've lost the weight before.

I've ran the race, fast passed before.

I've squatted my weight in double before.

I've talked the talk, and walked the walk of perfect body image and strength.

I've reached a goal weight and still felt like it wasn't enough.

I've given up all hope and settled in defeat.

I've been humbled and redeemed.

....

I can't promise you I will never gain a pound....

Or that I won't eat the cake when I'm feeling out of control....

(or when I just want to celebrate my daughter turning 6!)

I didn't acquire my faults over night.

They came on one by one, little by little, giant by giant.

I will say the difference now is how I choose to react.

The difference is I realize I am loved despite my imperfections.

I will continue to choose love.

I will abide in the love of my Father,

I will make it through the tough spots.

I would like to challenge you to dig into your insecurites, your fears.

Bring them to the cross.

Be vulnerable and willing to break so that He might make you whole.

Today I cried happy, ugly tears.

Tears of joy at all that has been accomplished.

Tears of gratitude to a God who loves me and carries me

as I stumble and fumble my way.

Tears as I realized just how deeply affected my ENTIRE life has been by my 

insecurities and fears.
Tears knowing how thankful I am to have a family stand beside me and support me.

Tears of relief knowing for the FIRST time in my life I am no longer a SLAVE to these fears.

I wiped my tears.

I'm an imperfect person on a journey.

I hope you find your way too.

I hope you choose LOVE.

I woke up this morning 33 years young!

I had my mind set on some iced coffee, my devotional, and some silence!

Blessed be, all 3 of my kiddos slept past 7am and I got my wish.

As I went through my morning routine I had a song in my heart.

I kept finding myself singing the verse over and over.

You all might know by now about me and my songs.

I like having a soundtrack.

I think every season of our life could be summed up in the right song.

:)

So I began thinking about this past year.

Where I was last October.

Where I am now.

There has been significant change.

.growth.

.clarity.

.surrender.

.freedom.

I began to pray.

I know my journey of restoration

is my testimony.

There isn't a step I've taken

in which the Lord hasn't

carried me.

I felt like this birthday could possibly be more significant than those of the past.

I can't put into words what that means exactly....

However, I know it is because I finally surrendered.

I've always been under the impression that I struggle

(weight, depression, self-doubt, etc.)

because I am weak and

 it was my job to fix things.

Then I'd grow frustrated and give up when

nothing changed.

This time.

This time, I know I am weak.

The shift happened when I realized that is OK.

My strength comes from the Lord who is

 "my shield;

    my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
    and with my song I praise him."

Psalm 28:7

As a teenager I had this verse hanging on my wall..and I come back to it often.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
    my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
    my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

Psalm 18:1-2

I'm excited to see where the Lord leads me throughout this next year.

My prayer is....

I will continue to press into Him, and trust that His plans are good.

That I can continue to come alive.

For the opportunity to share my story of restoration and transformation

with anyone else who feels stuck.

I want my life to be the proof of His love.

I have been allowed the incredible opportunity to be involved in a ministry for moms.

When I received the curriculum and began reading I was blown away by the handiwork of Christ.

Our theme was all about FREEDOM.

.FREE INDEED.

This is an excerpt from our curriculum:

"That is why this year, we choose wild, unexpected freedom; the kind that brings more laughter and less worry, more contentment and less hustle. Freedom that is so contagious, the people around us are compelled toward their own liberation.

It is a fact that freedom is contagious. That is why we are choosing to go first in order to spark a revolution of women who are choosing freedom over fear. Going first is about being courageous enough to take steps before you are ready, to share the details of your journey, to extend invitations and conquer fears, and lead the way for friends and kids and family. In fact, one of the best ways to advocate for others’ freedom is to go first ourselves, and then we can share with courage and honesty because we have found the keys of freedom. We will go first so that we can set other captives free."

Exactly. What. I need.Where. I. Am. At.

Our scripture for the year reads:
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor, he has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the favorable year of the Lord. -Luke 4:18-19



I promise I don't have it ALL figured out.
There are still days I doubt and struggles are real.
However, I'm no longer a slave to fear.
I trust that even in the darkest hours there is joy in the morning!
I'm ready.
#slayingdragons  #unfinished  #fearless  #comeback





I'll leave you with a little song in your heart...



FREE INDEED JJ Heller


On the days, when I'm stuck in the mud
When I don't, feel worthy of love
With the weight, of the world on my back
I'm never alone, remind me of that

I am wild as a wave crashing into the sea
I'm coming alive with each breath that I breathe
I believe, I am free
I am free indeed

I work hard, but the harder I try
I only fall, farther behind
I'm done with the game, I've kicked of my shoes
With you by my side, how can I lose?

I am wild as a wave crashing into the sea
I'm coming alive with each breath that I breathe
I believe, I am free
I am free indeed

If You have set me free
Then I am free indeed
If You have set me free
Then I am free indeed

I am wild as a wave crashing into the sea
I'm coming alive with each breath that I breathe
I believe, I am free
I am wild as a wave crashing into the sea
I'm coming alive with each breath that I breathe
I believe, I am free
I am free indeed